Categorized | Syria




469544AL-HASAKA:  Desperate for some victory to act as a counterweight to Jaysh Al-Fath’s occupation of Idlib; to alleviate the questionings about ISIS’s ability to attack Syrian military bases; to explain the shrinking real estate ISIS occupies and to establish that Allah is on its side, the rats of the Caliphate of Cockadoodledoo have tried to establish a foothold in the southwestern corner of Al-Hasaka.  The number of rats they used is paltry, frankly, and their technology is substandard.  3 suicide bombers, IEDs in cars, screaming banshee-like apes, rodents with their heads swaddled in towels like carnival freaks in a barber shop, slaughtering innocent civilians…..all this….led to the following:

THE SYRIAN ARMY HAS NOW COMPLETED A STRANGULATION MANEUVER TO BLOCK THE RAT ESCAPE FROM THE ONLY AREAS THEY HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SURVIVE IN.  SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE HAS LEARNED THAT the terrorist rodents who express their fealty to the Caliph of Cuckoo have been routed in Al-Hasaka.   The areas of Al-Nashwa Villas and Al-Nashwa Sharee’ah are encircled by SAA and extremely vindictive locals who will not take prisoners.  Wael reports that he heard the military commander in Al-Hasaka is issuing warnings not to summarily execute rodents because their interrogations can disclose much about their organization.   He has explained that the captured ISIS rodent is actually valuable despite obvious metabolic deficiencies.  By the by, almost every rat is an Arab non-Syrian or a foreigner from Europe, Asia or Africa.

There is skirmishing, only,at the Immigration Bureau, Central Prison, Visa Office and Security Services.  The skirmishing is limited to the SAA and security services hunting down and finding huddled rodents.  Wael also reports that several foreign rats, mostly Pakistanis, are defecting and indicating a desire to be sent back to their homeland.


طوق أمني للجيش والقوى الوطنية على مناطق تواجد إرهابيي داعش في الحسكةDo not believe the Western Media or, especially, the Arab propaganda-lie factories.  We can confirm the rats have never set one claw in Al-Saalihiyya Quarter, Al-Nifti, Tal Hajar, Al-Naasira, City Central, Judges’ Residences, Military Quarter, Al-Sinaa’ah, Marshu or the Medical Residencies.  All are secure and Rat-Free.


قوى الأمن تلقي القبض على مجموعة إرهابية في مدينة حماةFamilies are now returning to their homes in Al-Nashwa comfortable in the thought that our army and militias have the situation well in hand.

NEWS ALERT:  The SAAF, responding to very accurate Intel from the MI folks, took to the air over Saydaa, Der’ah Province, and pulverized a building in which 38 Chechen commanders were meeting to discuss the beauty of the Caucasus Mountains and how nice it would be if they beam themselves back.  This is a developing story that is just another chapter in the flop-laden world of joint American-British-Jordanian planning.

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